ABduction-Taylor Lautner's New Work Out Video

Things I absorbed from watching the movie Abduction: (Here's a link so you can see that I'm sort of close on some of this: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1600195/)(Annnnnnddd because I found the comments were suuuper good/accurate: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/abduction_2011/)

1) There was a bad guy, some spies, the CIA, and a bomb in the oven.
2) Some actors I typically enjoy (Sigourney Weaver) made some bad decisions making this movie.
3) Plot Holes: could have been a very dangerous drinking game.
4) Taylor Lautner is probably a Hufflepuff.
5) My favorite part was where it tried to be an action/spy movie.
6) My second favorite part was where that first plan failed.
7) Points 5 & 6 mean I loved 99% of the movie.
8) Will be a feature film for an upcoming Team movie night.
9) Best scene award goes to waking up in the woods and Taylor crying one single tear. It's just a bad dream Taylor.
10) Just because Rotten Tomatoes says 4%, doesn't mean everyone hates it.....

So next time you're near the half-off dollar DVD bin, check it out. It'll cost you less than a pack of gum and it could be really swell.

THEMED THURSDAY: Are You Looking At Me?

THEMED THURSDAY (friday) GET PUMPED YA'LL!!!!

So SSI starts TOMORROW and in honor of such a memorable time, the theme for this week is "Fictionalized version of the meeting between Kelsey and Michelle. Must include the line, 'she's cross-eyed in both eyes.'"

Ready? Here we go.

I was sitting calmly in my room. Finally arrived at this infamous speech camp, and intensely curious if there were people that were both sane AND speech nerds. I knew the pickings were going to be slim, but provided that I put on my charming smile and winning personality and hope for the best. So sitting in this quad in Uhler hall, I waited. Suddenly, she burst through the door and into my life. Forever.

Now there are good and bad things to this bursting thing.  First of all, bursting is bad for blood pressure. It’s a pressure problem, and there’s just no fixing much of anything once it’s done been burst. The good thing is that you get there quickly and efficiently with maximum rubble. And this, my friends, is Michelle.

I think I should explain something key to the choice of burst. It’s not her fault. She’s cross-eye in both eyes. Both, it is not a repercussion of her actions that she’s cross-eyed in both eyes. But that she can’t help but move in a rambunctious manner through doors and walls because she is in fact, cross-eyed in both eyes. Does that make sense? I think it does? Ish. Anyway, she comes bursting into the room and I knew, in that very same moment that my life was about to significantly improve. There was only one problem. There can only be one mega diva here. This quad is just not big enough for the both of us.

Thus the most epic battle you’ll ever hear about occurred. I can say this confidently because you don’t “hear” about the Iliad or the Odyssey, you read it, because it’s assigned reading. So boom. And the battle of Isengard? Hogwarts? Yup, you read that too. And I’m going to give you the police report bullet points (kapow, did you catch that one? I didn’t know you could catch a speeding bullet.)

-Extensive burning in the surrounding areas due to fire throwing contest/fight

-Other trampled areas likely due to the extensive crowd heard by locals

-Quotations from spectators include, “Intense. I’ve never seen a pop off like that before.” “Looked dangerous, but it’s good to know where you stand with that.” “Wouldn’t want to get in the middle of that.” “Would have loved to get in the middle of that.” As you can see, there are mixed reports.

-Case left unresolved.

And because there’s no reason to get innocent bystanders, like Katlyn, involved in this act of aggression, I think it’s important to leave the details out. Because I’ve told you too much already. And the police report is still out there and I’m trying to be nice, and that’s a struggle for me so take advantage of it. The important point is that there was fire. And flame throwing. And I won.

But how hard is it to be a two-time cross-eyed chick with a bursting problem?

Haiku Death Match

In order to make
this an interesting blog
I will write: haikus.

Mariecus, Ava
And I judged a slam haiku--
As in, to the death.

A violent battle
Judged by scarves of silent wit
A-shusha-shush-shush

The Great Oz will speak
And pantomime applause for
Silence is the rule

Endings can be hard
But humor is an asset
Squirrels and Werewolves thrive.

Settlers of "Oh Wait, What's That?"

Settlers of Cattan.

It goes something like this: 

1) Take some cardboard, put it on the floor.

2) Take some wooden pieces painted in colors, and throw them on the cardboard.

3) Draw cards. (Don't ask me where we got any of these materials, we found them in a box)

4) Roll die.

5) Battle- this involves critical words involving the things on the cards and how best to use your wily vocabulary to finagle your needs from the minions around you.

6) Count things

7) Draw cards with other things on them.

8) Wait your turn

9) Glare at the person that seems to have what you want while you wait

10) Steal shit.

11) Repeat steps 2-10 until famine overtakes players.

I feel like you you get rewarded for other things? Like fashion? And best pie? But I didn't read the whole rule book (it has an index.... enough said) and quite frankly, the games I have the mental stamina for only have one of the required pieces listed above, not all of them. Games like

Go Fish-cards

Old maid-cards

Solitaire-cards

Jenga-wooden block things

Candyland-cardboard

A box-just cardboard there too

Kitchen drums-Ok settlers has none of these materials, but it's the kind of game I can handle. And by game, I mean my childhood. (I guess it does involve stealing shit...)

I didn't win. But I guess you knew that already by my in depth description of the game. 

BINGO! DOUBLE BINGO! (What does it all mean?)

Your worlds have just collided. Currently in the most invigorating blog spectacular we've seen all year, the two competitors are Skyping. Right. Now. So basically, this vision of tormented art director-type is regaling me with her days of joy and woe. It's just the best thing that could possibly happen after Bingo.

OH WAIT.

That's it. I went to Bingo. Jealous? You should be. After having such a splendid time making cupcakes, Cadi decided to venture off to Apple Valley to play a few rounds of fancy bingo. So with very little luck, dinner, and some good conversation-3 hours passed. And I didn't win a dime. I guess that's what you get when you play bingo. Oh well, we had a pretty good time, and enjoyed ourselves. Plus, what's a night away from St. Peter? That's a BINGO! Also, I would like point out that is there anyone who would be more exciting to watch bingo than Mariecus? Answer? No.

Fun fact for the night as this post waves you off to sleep: Bingo comes with an intermission. Things you learn.

It's a Straight Line

Oh the adventures you'll have! And Iowa is no different.

Damnit, I'm already lying in this post. No good. Ok, deep breath, try again.

Let's start from the beginning. Quick version is I made it all the way to St. Pete from KC and had to drive through Iowa to get here. For those of you with Reader's Digest appetites, that was a quick meal. Happy to oblige. Now for the rest of you voracious readers (get it? It rhymes with eaters...  which is a continuation of the digest pun... oh never mind.)

So after I woke up, I'm sure you all will be relieved to know that I finished the first season of Mad Men. It was concerning, I know, but I managed to squeeze in that one last episode before I threw everything in the car and bolted.

Side note, I am forever glad that I make badass playlists. That's the only way this car ride works. And I loudly sand to Gina and Daniele's album. Forgot about them? I never do. Amazing. Always.

I have decided that instead of telling you about the trip (well there's not a lot to say) I thought I would play the license plate game a la blog. This involves me telling you things about what I've done in each state listed. (I probably forgot one or two, but this is most of the ones I saw). I'll include either a fun fact, short story (of the shortest variety), or what happened while driving through said state today. It should make this a little more entertaining.

Kansas: My high school was on the Missouri side of the state line between MO and KS. Consequently, there were lots of people who lived in KS instead. It also meant that for every day of HS, I was in two states at some point during the day.

Louisiana: I've never been here. Anyone want to go?

Minnesota: When MNers tell me where they are from, I often tune out and insert the words "The Cities" instead of whatever town they actually say. Offensive? Maybe. Also, Cadi maybe on to something with the MN driver thing. Iowans may not like to turn on their lights, but MN people make U-turns from wrong lanes, in native lands. Seriously, didn't have any "Let's call the police with their license plate number" moments until I hit the MN border. Scary.

Illinois: Last year, I think I was in IL 4 times over the course of the season. If you like math, that's about 9 hours from MN each way. So 72 hours traveling back and forth from IL, suits in tow. Only one of those times did we actually get stopped in somewhere other than our destination for the night.

Tennessee:I remember going to Nashville for something, and staying in what was impressed upon me as a very cool hotel, but I don't remember anything but the atrium and the abundance of shrubbery.

Missouri: I live there. Uh, that's a fun fact right?

Utah: I went to Park City the summer after the Olympics and there are two things that I would like to bring up. 1) The ski/beret hat that I bought, and still wear. And 2) one of my favorite bookstores of all time is called Dolly's-right near the condo we stayed in. They have several cats in the store and one of them likes to sit by the cash register and greet the masses.

Michigan: Been there. Done that. Know lots of people who live there. I hear Karaoke is a smash #lovefest.

Nebraska: Ah, what isn't to love about Nebraska? Phil says that it's the greatest, minus Rupert of course. I think there are so many stories to be told about Nebraska. To, from, there. Just all of it. AFA 2011.

Arkansas: So one of my favorite people of all time grew up there and still has a fondness for the place, it must be ok. I went once. I remember driving around really curvy roads and looking through really dorky/nerdy brochures about some "paths of Clinton" or something like that... Yup, that's what I've got.

Iowa: I considered leaving this one blank for emphasis. But since I spent so much of my day slogging through it, I thought I would at least try. First of all: It only rains in Iowa. Sure it looked cloudy all day, but it didn't start raining until the minute I crossed the boarder. Boo that. Second: What's worse than Iowa? Iowa when it's raining. Third: Iowa, in an attempt to get back at me for verbally bashing her decided to play this game. It's called, make sure you can only ever pay attention to your windshield wipers game. Sound like fun? Here's how you play. When it's only sprinkling, you put on the wipers on a nice slow tick-tock pace. But by the time you set that, there's this torrential down pour when no matter how fast your wipers are going you still can't see the road in front of you. Then it's sprinkling again and you still can't see the road because of how fast your wipers are going (blur much?). Repeat process. The worst. And lastly, I had the pleasure of stopping in Story City for gas. Jealous? I expected as much. But it's just like St. Peter!!!!  Well, minus the sign that said, "Story to tell." But there was a Happy Chef, and a gas station, and an RV sales lot.. Ok that last one is not like SP, but you get the point. Two Happy Chef sightings in a day? How delicious is that? Mayhaps not, but I was looking for anything to make Iowa sound exciting.

And that's my life. All of it. I'm zonked, so I'm peacin out for the night. Work in the morning-bound to be an adventure.

Given Only Weak Sauce in My Kitchen

Alas, so many things have failed me today, I might as well be resigned to typing this exorbitantly long post on my phone. It makes the most sense, after all. So here goes, and do excuse the type-os. I'm only so dexterous with this touch screen.

After dozing lazily until I got my required amount of sleep, I rolled out of bed. Nothing much happened, finished the first season of Modern Family, and attempted to work on this hat (more on that later). Until about dinner time.

Mother had this great idea to use the leftover steaks from Kent's the other night for fajitas. Splendid! So naturally I'm enlisted to help make up this recipe. Not a big deal, throw some onions and peppers into a skillet, a little pepper, maybe some other things to liven it up, heat up the meat, figure out some stuff for the mushrooms- like a little pepper, and voila! WRONG! There's only one thing missing. The pepper. What's that you say? But who likes pepper? Oh my lord, we must be needing a conversion. Pepper is admittedly one of the base spices I use. Nothing to overpower (unless we're talking red pepper, then be on your toes for a kick in the pants.) but I do tend to use pepper as a backup to all sorts of things. Don't know what to use? Pepper will work until you figure it out. Really my favorite- that and a base of garlic, but those kinds of adventures will have to wait until this summer, I'm afraid. Point is, that I'm expected to make fajitas without any kind of spices! Undesirable. And here you're thinking, Kelsey, just use the salt and pepper shakers on the table. Oh, well, aren't you the brightest. Guess again. There aren't any. WHO'S SMART NOW!?!?! That's right, no salt or pepper to be found. Anywhere. So I start thinking, what else do we have? A lemon? Nope. A jalapeño? Nada. Just another kind of spice? Anything? Zilch. I'm cooking blind. And I'm nearly to the point of going door to door asking for a pepper shaker, or foraging in the nearby woods for some kind of edible bark that might be a tasty Mexican food stand in. Sad day, mom nixed all of those ideas. Guess these will literally have to be the saddest, blandest fajitas in all the land.

Minnesotans rejoice, I didn't find anything spicy to put in the fajitas. Not even ketchup. Good news is they were fine, bad news is I'm heartbroken at my foiled attempt to make Mexican food from leftovers.

After that I took slight pleasure in beating my parents at Boggle. It doesn't make me a genius, jut better at Boggle than my parents. (side note, if you ever want to have your ass handed to you on a recently polished silver platter, play Boggle with KBG. She can literally play against 4 people, while sleeping, and those 4 can add their scores together to get half of what she does. I've seen it happen.)

Then we wandered back to our now customary places on the couch and watched Hugo. Cute? Maybe, I'm not the biggest fan. Whatever. The bigger problem is that I have been defeated by this hat pattern. Just destroyed. I don't think there's any one pattern that has so tried me. I tried this about 4 times the way the pattern was written. Then began to bumble through making guesses as to what she actually meant, and have gotten closer (hint: worked from the top down and looked like the finger of a glove the first 4 times. Now it just looks lopsided). But the real kicker is that I keep having to redo my work when I'm using the beautiful alpaca yarn I bought in Rome, I just want it to be perfect. Is that so bad? Le sigh.

I think the only solution is to go to bed. I've been up for less than 12 hours, but my trials for the day have left me melodramatic and defeated. Woe.

Literary Theory Takes Revenge on the Capitol

Yup. I turned into that person. I read the entire day. Actually, I should be more specific. I read The Hunger Games all day. The good news? It's over. I finished it. The other good news? I now feel like I have an actual license to mock it. That must be encouraging right? For instance, I have decided to apply my English major to this work for kicks and giggles. Looking at this work through a similar lens as you would for Ayn Rand would be just so very interesting. Or simply comparing the two! Oo  just shivers of joy. Or, for the more creative and spontaneous of you, to think of it not as a simple book about games and warfare and love and all of that, but rather think of it as a porn film. No, seriously. Box office hit if I've ever heard of one.

I'm sorry that's all terribly offensive. So I'll try to redeem some of my classy points by telling you that I have finished season 2 of Downton Abbey. They're British, it makes them far classier than anything we could have futuristically staged in the nooks and crannies of the Rockies. Lesbereal. Whatever scandal falls on the house is really much classier than children being thrown into an arena like a gladiatorial match a la Hannah Montana.

Speaking of Hannah, I wonder if we could actually stage a Hunger Games, but bill it as the best of teen pop. Justin Bieber (Fever in deed....), Hannah Montana, Or they should just make the movie with the people playing themselves in the roles of the other tributes....  We'd have to pick someone really good to be Katniss and Peeta.  I'm voting Britney and Cee Lo, just to shake things up.  And whoever else is particularly annoying this week will have to go too.. That must mean that Rebecca Black is signed up 17 times.

Therefore it will begin on Friday.

Aren't you excited? I can't take all the credit for this idea, Amanda has given me plenty of fodder for discussion over long van rides. This one shall be the first on the docket in the fall.

In other news, made some delicious grilled cheese. I won't lie, my favorite is still the camenbert with spinach and apricot, but this one was pretty good. Here's the recipe for what I made this evening.. but I didn't make the spread with the kale and whatnot (it's enough of a struggle getting my father to eat the avocados...) and instead I added some apricot jam.  I might try some different variations of it, but it was good for the evening. I do know that finding the right brand of mozzarella is crucial. EUROPE! WHY HAVE YOU LEFT ME?!?!?!?!??!!?

Sorry I had to get that out of my system.

On a much happier note, I was notified that I am now the godmother of Rothko, Vanessa's new beta fish. I'm just thrilled. 

How to make a 20+ hour bus ride fly by

There is nothing like a Kansas sunset. Even if you are in the heart of Leawood, the entire western half of the horizon turns a brilliant and unique combination of orange, purple, pink, yellow, and blue. And here I am, on a bus with a bunch of speech kids, headed to Texas. Now if that doesn't sound like a blast, then you are missing out in life.

Let's do a recap of the past few weeks since the last time I put something on the Internet for everyone to read at their leisure: speech.

Good now that we've covered that I can tell you about today, in its infinite excitement. After packing all of the important things that you would need for a forensics tournament, you know, like shoes, underwear, and the ever wonderful suits, I finally managed to get to sleep. This morning I rolled out of bed, attempted to collect some blankets, some food from the caf, and the important things previously mentioned. And hobbled/tottered/dragged my freezing behind through the newly remembered winds of the hill. So despite my incredible struggle to make my way across campus with unicorn pillow pet and Judy Garland blanket in tow and I admittedly couldn't feel my fingers by the time I got to that fabulous new building.

Fast forward and think about driving on a coach bus through, by the end of the trip, six states (MN, IA, MO, KS, OK, TX) can you say busy? I mean besides the stunning scenery, and the beautiful Kansan sunset, it's been a pretty normal speech ride. Strange jokes, funny commentary, random CDs, and a few odd movies. Add in the "team bonding" games that happen to include packets of condiments taken from fast food restaurants. I don't think I can explain that any better.

So I think at this point I'm going to leave your imagination to run wild with the idea of 25 speechies on a bus, watching labyrinth. Sweet dreams!