Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Study Guide for the GRE: Gaudy Rhinoceros Exam

Sometimes I read other people's blogs and think.... oh yeah, I suppose I have one of those too don't I..... Maybe I should write something on it...

Well, wish granted, self.  I suppose this is what I've got.

Tomorrow marks the first step in things I should be doing after that fateful day that happens in late May: post grad. For better or for worse, I'm going to spend 4 hours of my life frittering away at a meaningless test that receives it's authority from the people who created it. ETS, you're a scam and you know it. After the SAT way back when I was pretty convinced that I would not succumb to the pressures of yet another standardized test, but alas, consider me sans moral compass. To be clear, I still do not believe in any bubble answer configuration determining someone's ability to problem solve and write, but humans are pretty slow at figuring out better ways. So cheers to those who find better ways to do that.

For those of you taking the GRE, here is my pre test advice to you:

1) Answer the questions. What are they going to do? Hunt you down if you get them all wrong? Nah, they already got their $160 so they'll leave you alone to cry in peace. No matter the question, there's some chance that your random guess will get you a point. So have at it.

2) Smile. It'll confuse the shit out of the people around you and the proctor. And you, smiling, and watching their reactions will be the only entertainment you get for 4 hours. Enjoy the little things.

3) If you need a motivational boost, write yourself a little note on your scratch paper. And draw a smilie face. It might be the only friendly face in the whole building.

4) Hydrate and look smart. Sometimes looking smart is the best you can do. Pull out that monocle from storage and the spats and dust off that British accent. The educated must look educated.

5) Once the test is over, have a dance party. You've earned it and there's nothing they can do about suppressing your happiness now!  Blow 'em a raspberry and a choice finger and turn up the beats.

Keep in mind that none of this is intended to boost your score or your likely hood of being accepted and/or liked by your choice program. It might make you feel better.

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