THEMED THURSDAY: Are You Looking At Me?

THEMED THURSDAY (friday) GET PUMPED YA'LL!!!!

So SSI starts TOMORROW and in honor of such a memorable time, the theme for this week is "Fictionalized version of the meeting between Kelsey and Michelle. Must include the line, 'she's cross-eyed in both eyes.'"

Ready? Here we go.

I was sitting calmly in my room. Finally arrived at this infamous speech camp, and intensely curious if there were people that were both sane AND speech nerds. I knew the pickings were going to be slim, but provided that I put on my charming smile and winning personality and hope for the best. So sitting in this quad in Uhler hall, I waited. Suddenly, she burst through the door and into my life. Forever.

Now there are good and bad things to this bursting thing.  First of all, bursting is bad for blood pressure. It’s a pressure problem, and there’s just no fixing much of anything once it’s done been burst. The good thing is that you get there quickly and efficiently with maximum rubble. And this, my friends, is Michelle.

I think I should explain something key to the choice of burst. It’s not her fault. She’s cross-eye in both eyes. Both, it is not a repercussion of her actions that she’s cross-eyed in both eyes. But that she can’t help but move in a rambunctious manner through doors and walls because she is in fact, cross-eyed in both eyes. Does that make sense? I think it does? Ish. Anyway, she comes bursting into the room and I knew, in that very same moment that my life was about to significantly improve. There was only one problem. There can only be one mega diva here. This quad is just not big enough for the both of us.

Thus the most epic battle you’ll ever hear about occurred. I can say this confidently because you don’t “hear” about the Iliad or the Odyssey, you read it, because it’s assigned reading. So boom. And the battle of Isengard? Hogwarts? Yup, you read that too. And I’m going to give you the police report bullet points (kapow, did you catch that one? I didn’t know you could catch a speeding bullet.)

-Extensive burning in the surrounding areas due to fire throwing contest/fight

-Other trampled areas likely due to the extensive crowd heard by locals

-Quotations from spectators include, “Intense. I’ve never seen a pop off like that before.” “Looked dangerous, but it’s good to know where you stand with that.” “Wouldn’t want to get in the middle of that.” “Would have loved to get in the middle of that.” As you can see, there are mixed reports.

-Case left unresolved.

And because there’s no reason to get innocent bystanders, like Katlyn, involved in this act of aggression, I think it’s important to leave the details out. Because I’ve told you too much already. And the police report is still out there and I’m trying to be nice, and that’s a struggle for me so take advantage of it. The important point is that there was fire. And flame throwing. And I won.

But how hard is it to be a two-time cross-eyed chick with a bursting problem?

THEMED THURSDAY: The Avenged

THEMED THURSDAY (for real this time).  Here goes nothing. We're talking Villains this week. Big bad villains who are out to get you and your children. And let me tell you how I met some super villains yesterday.

So it goes like this. I walk into a room, doing what I do. Being who I'm supposed to be, in charge, and this looming figure walks up to me. Now, keep in mind that I'm approximately short. For those of you inclined to exactness, 5 feet and 4.5 inches to my name. My stature by no means confines my personality, or my confidence, however when this crooked, tall, figure strode toward me, I couldn't help but cower just slightly behind my kevlar name tag. And I knew her name. Lady Fickle. And she spoke:

"Hello, Kelsey."
"Hello, Lady Fickle."
"There's just something that I need you to do. I was wondering if you could put together a little slide show movie for the evening."
"I could throw about 50 pictures on a power point for you guys. But it will cost you." (note: this is not considered caving to the enemy. It's called luring them into a trap.)
"Don't worry about a price. It's taken care of. That'd be great. If you could meet us early to test it out later that'd be great." (I knew she was right. It was taken care of, but how else to deter her? Nothing came to mind.)
"I'll be there."

Was it a challenge? Was it going to turn my afternoon in to a throw down of global proportions?

Yes. Yes it was.

But the real question remained. How was I going to make a functional working power point with sound and over 50 slides by this afternoon? I knew this deadline was no joke. I could literally be dead on the line, or flat lining with no one to revive my corpse. This is a tragic scenario indeed. So my teleportation capable shoes carried me back to my studio (1, what hero doesn't have cool gadgets? 2, studio? bat cave? cool place for me to do my nifty work and be undetected by my adoring fans-you get it.) And there I quickly uploaded 700 pictures and as they were converting to a secure drive, I deftly placed them in a newly designed power point presentation. All the while decoding the ideal song to play behind the pictures that would count down the minutes for my escape as well as hopefully distract our super villain.

One hour later, and an attempted foiled plot to slow down my super computer, I walk back into the designated place. If this was West Side Story, it would be under the freeway. If this was Zoolander, it would be the convenient runway in the well known abandoned place down the street. If this was a spaghetti stain, this would be on the go because that's where Tide to go is intended to be: EVERYWHERE.

So I walk to the center of the room. She stands there in front of me with her goons behind her. I've come alone (maybe that was an oversight in my plan?) but here I am anyway. She meets me. I reach out my hand with the flash drive. She knows that one false move will be the end.

"This isn't what I wanted."
"Maybe not. But that. Is what you get."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

And with that, I buzzed my way out of the now shattering floor and destruction that was radiating from the room I had just left. But I was free. No more worries, and now, she was someone else's villain to battle.

I had lived to right another villain another day.

A Pattern Has Formed for the Fridays

Ok. I know it's Thursday. And I know you like your Themes on Thursdays. After all, that makes sense, THemes, THursday-I get it. But here's the skinny. I had a hell of an afternoon, so much so that our dastardly plans for a mastermind of a Themed Thursday had been foiled. Thus, here I sit waiting impatiently for our impromptu Themed THfriday where the true meaning of a blog off will be shown to the WORLD!!!!!

I really tried to give you a lot of clues, but I'm sleepy, and this will keep you on the edge of your seats until the morn.

Themed Thursday: PICK ME!

THEMED THURSDAY! THEMED THURSDAY! THEMED THURSDAY!

But Kelsey, it's Friday. We've been waiting for 48 hours for this moment and you can't even title your blog post right?

To that I say, I'm sorry. I'm doing my best to keep up with your demands, but sometimes I'm human, and that means I don't eat people--

What?  What was that? A segue to today's theme!?!?!?!
Yes, yes it was. And that means we need to start picking sides for the Zombie Apocalypse. And this my friends, is more important than dodgeball. So stand up straight and pay attention. This information could save your life. Sort of.

Rules: Pick 3 other people (besides yourself) living, dead, or fictional for your Zombie Apocalypse team. These are the people that know the rules- double tap, cardio, and other basic survival skills, like open fire cooking (and I don't mean cooking in the front lines, I mean over an open flame). Are you ready to face December 21st? Go.

1) Dexter Morgan: Crime fighting, crime killing individual with extensive knowledge of knife wielding and blood analysis. Other skills: being incredibly attractive. He's an ideal candidate for all of these reasons in addition to his witty monologues and scheming mentality.

2) My Uncle Kent: Damn good cook, tells bigger than life stories, has experience fixing things and tough guy problem solving, as well as being a general "I'm not dead yet, so I must be fine" sort of person. Always has a good story and that's pretty ideal when you spend the rest of your time avoiding/hunting zombies. 

3) Cadi: According to her facebook profile pic, she has experience shooting a gun, typically funny, has some good stories, and general absurdity. That means being able to talk to someone for hours to delay pure and utter boredom. After all, this is what we do on a regular basis when driving to and from places that are super far away. So boom.

And I would like to make a clarification: This is all based on the idea that I am secretly an elf who can run really fast, see really far (without glasses or binoculars), and has exceptional bow and arrow skills. I say this for 2 reasons: 1) Those are useful things in a Zombie Apocalypse and I don't have any of those skills now.  2) I just really want to be an elf. 

Ok, that's it for me. I'll probably blog about the remainder of my week(end) with Michelle in Duluth tomorrow or Sunday when I'm sitting all alone in my apartment making cupcakes out of my tears. 

Themed- Thursday-Friday?

In anticipation for the epic adventure that shall take place tomorrow, themes Thursday has been postponed. Enjoy and tune in then!