So SSI starts TOMORROW and in honor of such a memorable time, the theme for this week is "Fictionalized version of the meeting between Kelsey and Michelle. Must include the line, 'she's cross-eyed in both eyes.'"
Ready? Here we go.
I was sitting calmly in my room. Finally arrived at this infamous speech camp, and intensely curious if there were people that were both sane AND speech nerds. I knew the pickings were going to be slim, but provided that I put on my charming smile and winning personality and hope for the best. So sitting in this quad in Uhler hall, I waited. Suddenly, she burst through the door and into my life. Forever.
Now there are good and bad things to this bursting thing. First of all, bursting is bad for blood pressure. It’s a pressure problem, and there’s just no fixing much of anything once it’s done been burst. The good thing is that you get there quickly and efficiently with maximum rubble. And this, my friends, is Michelle.
I think I should explain something key to the choice of burst. It’s not her fault. She’s cross-eye in both eyes. Both, it is not a repercussion of her actions that she’s cross-eyed in both eyes. But that she can’t help but move in a rambunctious manner through doors and walls because she is in fact, cross-eyed in both eyes. Does that make sense? I think it does? Ish. Anyway, she comes bursting into the room and I knew, in that very same moment that my life was about to significantly improve. There was only one problem. There can only be one mega diva here. This quad is just not big enough for the both of us.
Thus the most epic battle you’ll ever hear about occurred. I can say this confidently because you don’t “hear” about the Iliad or the Odyssey, you read it, because it’s assigned reading. So boom. And the battle of Isengard? Hogwarts? Yup, you read that too. And I’m going to give you the police report bullet points (kapow, did you catch that one? I didn’t know you could catch a speeding bullet.)
-Extensive burning in the surrounding areas due to fire throwing contest/fight
-Other trampled areas likely due to the extensive crowd heard by locals
-Quotations from spectators include, “Intense. I’ve never seen a pop off like that before.” “Looked dangerous, but it’s good to know where you stand with that.” “Wouldn’t want to get in the middle of that.” “Would have loved to get in the middle of that.” As you can see, there are mixed reports.
-Case left unresolved.
And because there’s no reason to get innocent bystanders, like Katlyn, involved in this act of aggression, I think it’s important to leave the details out. Because I’ve told you too much already. And the police report is still out there and I’m trying to be nice, and that’s a struggle for me so take advantage of it. The important point is that there was fire. And flame throwing. And I won.
But how hard is it to be a two-time cross-eyed chick with a bursting problem?