Thursday, May 31, 2012

It's a Straight Line

Oh the adventures you'll have! And Iowa is no different.

Damnit, I'm already lying in this post. No good. Ok, deep breath, try again.

Let's start from the beginning. Quick version is I made it all the way to St. Pete from KC and had to drive through Iowa to get here. For those of you with Reader's Digest appetites, that was a quick meal. Happy to oblige. Now for the rest of you voracious readers (get it? It rhymes with eaters...  which is a continuation of the digest pun... oh never mind.)

So after I woke up, I'm sure you all will be relieved to know that I finished the first season of Mad Men. It was concerning, I know, but I managed to squeeze in that one last episode before I threw everything in the car and bolted.

Side note, I am forever glad that I make badass playlists. That's the only way this car ride works. And I loudly sand to Gina and Daniele's album. Forgot about them? I never do. Amazing. Always.

I have decided that instead of telling you about the trip (well there's not a lot to say) I thought I would play the license plate game a la blog. This involves me telling you things about what I've done in each state listed. (I probably forgot one or two, but this is most of the ones I saw). I'll include either a fun fact, short story (of the shortest variety), or what happened while driving through said state today. It should make this a little more entertaining.

Kansas: My high school was on the Missouri side of the state line between MO and KS. Consequently, there were lots of people who lived in KS instead. It also meant that for every day of HS, I was in two states at some point during the day.

Louisiana: I've never been here. Anyone want to go?

Minnesota: When MNers tell me where they are from, I often tune out and insert the words "The Cities" instead of whatever town they actually say. Offensive? Maybe. Also, Cadi maybe on to something with the MN driver thing. Iowans may not like to turn on their lights, but MN people make U-turns from wrong lanes, in native lands. Seriously, didn't have any "Let's call the police with their license plate number" moments until I hit the MN border. Scary.

Illinois: Last year, I think I was in IL 4 times over the course of the season. If you like math, that's about 9 hours from MN each way. So 72 hours traveling back and forth from IL, suits in tow. Only one of those times did we actually get stopped in somewhere other than our destination for the night.

Tennessee:I remember going to Nashville for something, and staying in what was impressed upon me as a very cool hotel, but I don't remember anything but the atrium and the abundance of shrubbery.

Missouri: I live there. Uh, that's a fun fact right?

Utah: I went to Park City the summer after the Olympics and there are two things that I would like to bring up. 1) The ski/beret hat that I bought, and still wear. And 2) one of my favorite bookstores of all time is called Dolly's-right near the condo we stayed in. They have several cats in the store and one of them likes to sit by the cash register and greet the masses.

Michigan: Been there. Done that. Know lots of people who live there. I hear Karaoke is a smash #lovefest.

Nebraska: Ah, what isn't to love about Nebraska? Phil says that it's the greatest, minus Rupert of course. I think there are so many stories to be told about Nebraska. To, from, there. Just all of it. AFA 2011.

Arkansas: So one of my favorite people of all time grew up there and still has a fondness for the place, it must be ok. I went once. I remember driving around really curvy roads and looking through really dorky/nerdy brochures about some "paths of Clinton" or something like that... Yup, that's what I've got.

Iowa: I considered leaving this one blank for emphasis. But since I spent so much of my day slogging through it, I thought I would at least try. First of all: It only rains in Iowa. Sure it looked cloudy all day, but it didn't start raining until the minute I crossed the boarder. Boo that. Second: What's worse than Iowa? Iowa when it's raining. Third: Iowa, in an attempt to get back at me for verbally bashing her decided to play this game. It's called, make sure you can only ever pay attention to your windshield wipers game. Sound like fun? Here's how you play. When it's only sprinkling, you put on the wipers on a nice slow tick-tock pace. But by the time you set that, there's this torrential down pour when no matter how fast your wipers are going you still can't see the road in front of you. Then it's sprinkling again and you still can't see the road because of how fast your wipers are going (blur much?). Repeat process. The worst. And lastly, I had the pleasure of stopping in Story City for gas. Jealous? I expected as much. But it's just like St. Peter!!!!  Well, minus the sign that said, "Story to tell." But there was a Happy Chef, and a gas station, and an RV sales lot.. Ok that last one is not like SP, but you get the point. Two Happy Chef sightings in a day? How delicious is that? Mayhaps not, but I was looking for anything to make Iowa sound exciting.

And that's my life. All of it. I'm zonked, so I'm peacin out for the night. Work in the morning-bound to be an adventure.

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